The theme this week is LETTING GO. It’s actually been a running joke around here because I’m a Type 1 on the Enneagram, and there’s a hysterically brilliant YouTube video of the Enneagram set to Bohemiam Rhapsody. If you’re an Enneagram nerd like me, you have to check it out because you’ll laugh so hard. Anyway…for the part where the singer describes the Type 1, he’s singing “Let go, let go, let go,” “No no no no NO,” “Look at her gooooo!”
Letting go is hard for me.
Letting go of hope. Letting go of relationships. Letting go of the ideas in my head about what and where home is, who my friends are, what my life “should” look like. Letting go of a primal fear that saved my life at one time. Letting go physically, emotionally, spiritually…
My trip to Boulder at the beginning of January 2020 was a chance for me to confront the part of me that clings to the past, and actively recognize that letting go is the best (and probably only) way to discover what “god” actually has in mind for me. By god I mean life, the spiritual force behind life, universal wisdom, angels…some version of those ideals. I believe we’re here for a reason, I believe we have souls, I believe in karma and reincarnation. I also believe in science and evolution.
I also talk about what happens when my original nervous system protection pattern gets activated – I swell up like a balloon! I’ve never been made so acutely aware of this before. My body seems to be in direct conversation with me right now, or vice versa.
What has my attention the most is my new schedule of 4 long days of work followed by 3 days off, with the intention of creating my core four desired feelings as often as possible. By working long days my goal is to activate the feeling of being “well used” and connected to my purpose, you, the world, god. My work isn’t a career, it’s a calling, a mission; it’s my life. And, then there’s my personal life, which is equally important to me.
On my days off I will prioritize feeling alive, awed and well used by engaging in a lot of physical activity (various kinds so as not to burn out), or long days outside in nature, in combination with exploring, getting creative in the kitchen, reading and writing or using these three days to visit friends that live hours away.
I’m also intermittent fasting again, but I’ve figured out how to structure this in a way that allows for unplanned flexibility (exceptions for special occasions).
If you watch this week’s episode, I’d love to hear your thoughts so please share below in the comments section!
Thanks for watching, and I’ll see you next week.
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